from the diary of St. Rafael Arnáiz Barón on Holy Thursday

April 14, 1938
Holy Thursday

On this day, Holy Thursday, on which the Lord gathered his disciples and promised to remain with them forever, I too approached Jesus in my littleness, asking Him to remain with me, and welcome me at His table, and allow me to live with Him, and to follow Him everywhere like His shadow.

I asked Jesus to let me lean my head against His chest like Saint John. I asked Him not to push me away, even though I looked so weak and pathetic. I asked Him to hear my petitions. I traversed the whole world showing Jesus everything that I wanted Him to fix: Spain, the war, my brothers, my sister, so many people I love, my parents…

I showed Jesus all this and told Him: Lord, take me and give Yourself to the world. Distribute to them what you have given me. Let me distribute the treasure I have to the needy of the world…there are so many! Let me be poor at your side. I want nothing more than your love, your friendship, your companionship. Take me, Lord, as I am: sick, useless, depleted, and careless.

And the Lord heard me: I felt His love deep within me, so deep… I saw my immense treasure and I am afraid of losing Him.

Tomorrow, Good Friday, I will be at the foot of Your Cross. I do not mind that I will not receive You tomorrow in Communion, because today we agreed that I would not separate myself from You, and You seemed pleased with that.

draft translation (source: Obras completas #228)

Published by Catherine Addington

I am a translator from Spanish to English and a writer on saints, myths, and icons in both religious and secular contexts.

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